Beck's 1yr.

This boy could not be more endearing. He is the happiest kid. Goes to bed easy, sleeps like you wouldnt believe, and only cries when hes tierd or, unfortunately, his bog brother is beeting up on him. The good news is that Rhys is finally starting to think hes pretty cool too and fun to play WITH not just near.

He is a super quick crawler, masters the stairs, walks along everything, can stand for a few seconds on his own before he gets too excited and usually face plants.

He is impossible to fill. He will sit and eat as long as we let him. He is done with baby food and eats everything. Loves to feed himself finger foods and I think its the cutest thing.

He says dada and plenty of babble in his own language, but thinks hes talking to us.

He thinks his brother is the coolest kid around. He watches his every move with envy and will always laugh at anything he does.

Weight- 24 lb 15 oz

height- 32 inches

Ok... He really is cute. Not just droopy.I would love to post something other than pictures of my kids, but they are all I have been doing lately. Between the two of them, there isn't much time for anything else. That and keeping Becks quarantined has been my number one goal. Good stuff to come, we head to CA in 10 days. Hallelujah!

Feelings

Beware... lots of rambling and scattered thoughts to follow.

So I have been on a roller coaster the last few days. I know, shocking right. I barely remember Christmas, let alone what has happened over the last week. I keep replaying the events over in my mind to help myself remember, but honestly, they are starting to fade quickly. I keep going back to last week, when everything was great. We were out playing soccer, even Rhys joined in on the action, until something hurt. The next day was better and Christmas morning. I have been looking forward to this for sometime, as Rhys would finally be participating. Later, the whole family was gathered around the Christmas table for a fabulous BBQ dinner. There was talk of every ones future plans, favorite memories, favorite foods, happy times and what to do the next day. We all sat together and watched Inception while Rhys was fast asleep upstairs. I started to get a little uncomfortable but thats been pretty typical. I finally felt down to my stomach and knew instantly that something was wrong. It was hard as a rock, and hadn't let up in hours. I didnt want to ruin the night, or get everyone all alarmed, so I hung out till most people were asleep. I told Justin I thought I was in labor, but we both thought that sounded crazy. After all, I wasnt due for another 7 weeks. After a massage and a blessing I crawled into bed. No more than 2 minutes later, a big gush happened and I thought my water had broke. Peeling back the covers revealed a blood soaked bed. Panic hit then. I called the dr. at home, and said we will see you in the hospital in a few minutes.

We got checked in at 12:30pm. I was already having contractions every 3 minutes and dilated to a 4. I became a pin cushion for needles. IV fluids, steroids, penicillin, magnesium (which is awful by the way), and plenty more I cant recall. The only thing I heard was that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital until I had a baby, and hopefully that would be in a couple of days for the steroids to kick in. Oh, but this particular hospital doesn't deliver babies under 35 weeks, so we would have to be transferred to one 25 minutes away with a better NICU. And we had to hurry because the Magnesium wasn't really working the way they planned. It was supposed to stop the contractions, but it just slowed them down a bit. So a couple of hours and one ambulance ride later we checked into our second hospital of the night.

Another round of Magnesium, more shots and a whole new set of faces, we were hoping this baby would stay put. At 5am there had been no change, so they said they would check me in an hour or so and try to get some rest. At 5:30 I was being told this wasn't really working and I would be delivering in an operating room close to the NICU. All I remember asking was "Wait, WHAT!?!! This baby is coming now? This stuff that has made me feel like I have the flu on top of being in labor isn't even working?!" I had constantly still be bleeding and when they finally broke my water it wasn't going to be long. By this point, I had the shakes and chills so bad, I could hardly breathe on my own. I was dizzy and light headed and trying to fathom having this baby now. There was talk of a cesarean so I asked for an epidural instead. That gave me enough control to focus on breathing for me and baby and he was delivered in 3 pushes. He came out with eyes wide open and crying and I think justin and I both lost it. They took him straight to the NICU and me to recovery and wasnt till several hours later I got to hold my new little son. We got back to the room just in time to call Grandma and tell her take care of Rhys when she got up.

Since then, I feel like I have been torn in two. Literally. I want to be at the hospital, holding the new love of my life. Telling him to stay strong, and keep working hard. Tell him don't forget to breathe, and reminding myself to do the same. I want to sit and snuggle with him for hours because we both sleep better when we are together. I want to kiss his little face and tell him I love him and how excited we are to have him home. I want to watch him sleep and rock him good night. And even though I leave the hospital with a huge grin on my face, my heart breaks every time I walk through those doors with out my son.

And I come home to another piece of me. He is happy, and strong, and determined. He has no idea what is going on. I try to tell him about his little brother and we practice his name, but I don't think it has registered what all this means. I don't want him to feel abandoned or that all we do is leave him with other people, but that's kinda how its been lately. It makes spending all that time at the hospital that much more difficult. That the sweetness of Beckham is tainted by my sadness for Rhys. But he let me rock him to sleep the other day, and I think I cried the whole time. It was just perfect. I would have stayed there for hours.

Hopefully this doesn't last too much longer and I can have my whole family back together again.

Introducing

Beckham Kaj Aida
Born December 26, 2010
at 6:40am
4 lb. 10 oz.
19 inches

Only 2 months left

Could it really be that I only have 2 months left before this new Baby B is here? Yea, that went really fast. It has been a great pregnancy, despite the nausea. But now I'm left with all these mixed emotions, to go right along with my mixed hormones. Part of me is absolutely thrilled. I can not wait to meet this little boy that is dancing around on my bladder and I think has recently taken up Tae kwon do. Part of me is terrified of the lack of sleep and pure PAIN that I know is awaiting me very shortly. It wasn't that long ago to "forget" what is going to happen. Another part is so excited for Rhys to have a little buddy. He really loves being around other kids. And the last little bit of me is so saddened that I wont be able to give all my attention to my sweet little boy. He has become my little buddy. I know him. And I know everything about him. I am so sad at the idea of possibly missing out on his little spirit growing because I'll be "distracted." I hope this isn't the case, and things will not change between us nearly as much as I am dreading. The whole idea of having two really hasn't quite sunk in yet.

So pretty much I am trying to spend all my time soaking up life with Rhys. Yes I am behind on laundry, and my house is under par when it comes to cleanliness. But why not? I only have so much energy and ability to bend that it doesn't matter. I will pick up and "nuggle" my boy any time he wants (which has been often. I'm sure my belly makes a nice cushy resting spot). For me, I need this time to be with just him. It is, after all, limited.

Is this normal? Any one have some great secret as to how I'm supposed to do this? But really, how do you even shower with 2 little munchkins??

"No crying today!!"

I had this thought a couple of days ago that our little one would not be very cooperative this morning for the ultra sound and we wouldnt get to find out what "it" is. When the dr. asked about it, I told him I just might cry if we dont. (Its kinda how I've been feeling lately, Im not all that into surprises). As soon as the Dr. started, thats exactly what he said... "NO crying today!"




Its a BOY!!!

and we are thrilled!

He's due on Valentines Day, 2011. I feel great after a very long sickly summer. It was not as bad as with Rhys, which I am so greatful for, but still sucked. This has been a really different pregnancy than before (like crazy insomnia, different feeling of sickness, way different cravings, ect.) but in alot of ways better. I couldn't go near chicken, yogurt, hamburgers, and sweet potatoes. But I loved salads, pork, fruit, rice krispies, ice cream, and potatoes. And other than being a complete surprise the night after my triathlon, it has been so exciting. So my boys will be 22 months apart and best buds. Cant wait!!